“Men Aren’t Approaching Us Anymore,” Women Say That Guys Are Scared, Can’t Lead Relationships

A debate over why some women feel men are approaching them less often has turned into a broader argument about confidence, dating expectations and whether traditional ideas about who should make the first move still make sense.

Commentary YouTuber Anton Daniels reacted to three TikTok creators – India Kate, Nee Francis and Pardes Seleh – who offered different explanations for the perceived shift, ranging from men being tired of rejection to claims that some men have become too complacent to pursue relationships.

Daniels rejected most of those theories, arguing that many men still approach women when they are genuinely interested and that a lack of attention does not automatically mean men are afraid.

India Kate Says Men May Be Tired Of Rejection

India Kate opened the discussion by arguing that men may have become more hesitant because the social rules around approaching women have grown increasingly difficult to read.

She said a man who approaches a woman he finds attractive can quickly be labeled creepy if she is not interested, while men also regularly hear that women do not want to be approached at the gym, coffee shops or other everyday places.

Kate acknowledged why those boundaries exist, noting that many women have experienced genuinely inappropriate behavior from men and that one bad encounter can make women more guarded around strangers.

Still, she questioned whether the pendulum has swung far enough that ordinary men now fear embarrassment or being viewed as threatening.

Her question was whether women may eventually need to become more comfortable approaching men themselves.

That is a reasonable tension to point out because the rules of modern dating can sometimes sound contradictory: people want organic, spontaneous connections, while also being increasingly cautious about unwanted attention.

Daniels Says Men Are Not Nearly As Scared As Women Think

Daniels strongly disagreed with the idea that men have stopped approaching women because they are frightened.

He said his own experience traveling through cities such as Detroit, Dallas, Washington, D.C., Atlanta, Miami, Los Angeles, New York and others has shown him that men still regularly approach women they find attractive.

“I don’t believe that men are afraid to go up to women,” Daniels said.

He allowed that some men may feel nervous around a particular woman, especially if they lack confidence, but argued that this does not amount to a broad social crisis.

In his view, men often do not approach because they simply do not feel like it, are already in relationships, are talking to someone else or do not feel enough interest to start a conversation.

He also said some men may find a woman physically attractive without feeling any real urge to pursue her.

Daniels’ broader point was that women should be careful about interpreting every lack of approach as evidence of fear.

Sometimes, he argued, a man simply is not interested enough to act.

Nee Francis Connects Approaching To Leadership

The second creator, Nee Francis, said she did not agree with the growing idea that women should routinely approach men.

She argued that if a man is interested in a woman but cannot find the confidence or initiative to pursue her, he may also lack the ability to lead within a relationship.

That connection immediately drew skepticism from Daniels.

He said he did not understand why approaching a stranger should be treated as a test of leadership.

A man could be excellent at his career, finances, planning, decision-making or managing other people while still choosing not to approach a particular woman, Daniels argued.

He also said context matters.

A woman may appear busy, closed off or uninterested, while a conversation may simply not develop naturally enough to justify pushing further.

Daniels said he believes approaching someone is perfectly acceptable, but only when the interaction feels organic and both people appear comfortable with it.

That distinction matters because social confidence and relationship leadership are not necessarily the same skill. Being willing to walk across a room and introduce yourself tells you something about personality, but very little by itself about how someone handles responsibility, money, conflict or long-term partnership.

Daniels Says Women Should “Shoot Their Shot” If They Want To

Although Francis said she did not think women should be approaching men or sliding into their direct messages, Daniels was far more relaxed about the idea.

If a woman is interested, he said, she should feel free to make a move.

“Better shoot your shot,” Daniels said.

He argued that there is little reason to sit back and build complicated theories about why a particular man has not approached when women are also capable of starting conversations.

At the same time, he stressed that men should not be assumed to owe women attention simply because they look at them or acknowledge that they are attractive.

He suggested that some of the frustration behind the “men don’t approach anymore” conversation may come from women expecting a level of pursuit they previously received more often.

Whether that is universally true is impossible to establish from a few social-media clips, but Daniels’ point that attraction does not automatically create obligation is difficult to dispute.

Pardes Seleh Blames Complacency And Testosterone

The third creator, Pardes Seleh, offered a much more sweeping explanation.

She argued that men are approaching women less because they no longer have to put in as much effort, claiming women have become more financially independent while also taking on larger shares of work inside relationships.

Seleh said modern women are often raised to believe they still need a man despite being capable of earning money, supporting themselves and living independently.

At the same time, she argued, some men have become complacent because women are increasingly willing to pursue them and carry more of the relationship.

She went further by claiming that men today may have lower testosterone and less sense of purpose, which she connected to reduced motivation to pursue women.

“The reason why men aren’t pursuing women is because first of all they don’t have to and second of all they don’t have enough testosterone,” Seleh said.

Daniels was openly baffled by that explanation.

“Where do y’all be getting this from?” he asked.

He said the argument did not resemble what he sees in real life and questioned how anyone could confidently connect reduced approaching behavior to testosterone without much stronger evidence.

Daniels Says The Simpler Explanation Is Usually Better

Daniels kept returning to a much less dramatic explanation: some men simply do not want to approach every woman they notice.

He said women can misread that lack of attention as a crisis in masculinity when it may be nothing more than personal preference, bad timing or the absence of chemistry.

He also pointed back to years of women publicly saying they do not want unsolicited attention in certain places, arguing that it is unreasonable to criticize men for being cautious while also telling them to respect those boundaries.

At the same time, Daniels did not accept the idea that men have universally retreated from dating because they are intimidated.

In his view, men who genuinely want to make an approach are still doing it.

The three TikTok clips ultimately reflect different frustrations with the same dating environment.

Kate sees men becoming wary of rejection and social backlash, Francis worries that a man unwilling to initiate may lack leadership, while Seleh sees broader cultural complacency and declining male motivation.

Daniels thinks all three explanations overcomplicate the issue.

His conclusion was that men are still approaching women, women can approach men if they choose, and a person who is not being pursued should not automatically assume that fear, low testosterone or a collapse in male leadership is the reason.

Sometimes, he argued, the connection simply is not there.